Happy Belated Birthday to Me

I started this little experiment a year ago yesterday, and even though in the time of pandemic it has been hard to find the extra brain power to write something, I still wanted to take a moment to recognize the anniversary. I have learned so much about myself through writing this blog, and I am so grateful and flattered that others are getting something out of it, too.

At first, I really wanted to tackle the issues of fat people in fandom, our lack of representation, our difficulties in finding characters to identify with, and even how hard it is to cosplay our favorite character both in finding or making costumes that will work and in the inevitable backlash and commentary that fat people can’t cosplay as {insert name of thin character here}. And it is about that, but it’s also become about discovering my place as a fat liberationist and finding my voice in the larger fat acceptance and advocacy world. I’m looking forward to that transformation continuing.

I hope to find ways of making myself write more as this pandemic stretches on and on (and on…). Because I think things will be very bad for people living in a fat body when this quarantine is over. The continued perpetration of quarantine fat memes and those worried about putting on the “COVID 15” tells me that once we can all get together again, it will be next to impossible to dodge the internalized fat phobia, body shaming, and diet talk. It was always there, but now it will be amplified and pervasive, as if it will be perpetual New Year’s and everyone will be making resolutions. More people will be harmed by this than helped, and it’s important for those of us who have been fighting this fight to gear up now and protect ourselves.

So, I’m here for you and to do exactly that. I’m not going anywhere and this blog is going to keep going. One day, I might even get that podcast started.

In the meantime, here’s a cute picture of my big cat because big cats are awesome. (Also, not body shaming my cat is totally going to be a blog post one day.)

Yes, Plato does know how handsome he is, but he is happy to be told again.

When Entertainment is Supposed to be for "Everyone"

Theme parks are entertainment destinations that attract millions of people each year, which would make you think that they are able to accommodate the vast differences between all those millions of people at the parks. But I know as well as anyone else who has been to a theme park in a fat body that they don’t.

I was in college the first time I was kicked off a ride because it was “unsafe” for my fat body to ride it. I had waited over an hour in line with a group of friends, people I had spent the summer working with on my college campus. My friends and I had dared each other to ride in the front row of a roller coaster, one that was new and high and fast. I was nervous and excited as we climbed into the car and the safety arms came down over my shoulders… and failed to lock into place. Try as I might, and as the attendant might, we simply could not get the arms to lock. And the ride could not go until all the arms were locked. I climbed out of the car and walked away from the ride, furious, embarrassed, and alone. I sat on a bench near the ride, crying as I waited for my friends to emerge from their fun. We went about the rest of the day, and I tried to put the incident out of my mind.

I loved roller coasters. I loved the thrill of them and the speed, knowing the whole time that I was perfectly safe inside. But since that day in college, except for one very mild roller coaster ride about 11 years ago, I haven’t been on one since. It’s hard enough for me to spend all that time waiting in line, only then to be kicked off and humiliated in front of everyone because my fat body doesn’t fit.

I am hardly alone in my experience. Last year, an article was published in Huffpost about a woman who was kicked off the Hogwarts Harry Potter ride at Universal because the safety harness didn’t fit over her fat body. The woman is Jana Schmieding, a comedic writer, performer, and educator in Los Angeles. She had been “investigating size-based discrimination for several months, interviewing and publishing conversations with women in my life who have experienced body shame, injustice and inequity around their size, gender, race and presence,” when this happened.

From Schmieding’s article:

Like most of us who have encountered size discrimination in our lives, it tends to trigger our internalized fat phobia, making us think somehow that we are at fault for the discrimination against us. We think we should be the ones to change, instead of the other way around. It takes a monumental effort to reframe our thinking to place the blame where it belongs.

What’s heartbreaking about this story, and why I’m choosing to amplify it, is that it comes connected to a fandom that Schmieding felt deeply connected to. She got into Harry Potter just recently and was so excited to be visiting the theme park at Universal Studios. Schmieding over and over again talks about her childlike glee at the rest of the experience, how it transported her into the fantasy world and let her put aside the harsh reality for awhile. When something like that happens, when something connected to a franchise or a fandom that you love lets you down, it can be devastating.

It is still far too hard for those of us in fat bodies to find ourselves welcomed into the places we love, including our fandoms.