Happy Belated Birthday to Me

I started this little experiment a year ago yesterday, and even though in the time of pandemic it has been hard to find the extra brain power to write something, I still wanted to take a moment to recognize the anniversary. I have learned so much about myself through writing this blog, and I am so grateful and flattered that others are getting something out of it, too.

At first, I really wanted to tackle the issues of fat people in fandom, our lack of representation, our difficulties in finding characters to identify with, and even how hard it is to cosplay our favorite character both in finding or making costumes that will work and in the inevitable backlash and commentary that fat people can’t cosplay as {insert name of thin character here}. And it is about that, but it’s also become about discovering my place as a fat liberationist and finding my voice in the larger fat acceptance and advocacy world. I’m looking forward to that transformation continuing.

I hope to find ways of making myself write more as this pandemic stretches on and on (and on…). Because I think things will be very bad for people living in a fat body when this quarantine is over. The continued perpetration of quarantine fat memes and those worried about putting on the “COVID 15” tells me that once we can all get together again, it will be next to impossible to dodge the internalized fat phobia, body shaming, and diet talk. It was always there, but now it will be amplified and pervasive, as if it will be perpetual New Year’s and everyone will be making resolutions. More people will be harmed by this than helped, and it’s important for those of us who have been fighting this fight to gear up now and protect ourselves.

So, I’m here for you and to do exactly that. I’m not going anywhere and this blog is going to keep going. One day, I might even get that podcast started.

In the meantime, here’s a cute picture of my big cat because big cats are awesome. (Also, not body shaming my cat is totally going to be a blog post one day.)

Yes, Plato does know how handsome he is, but he is happy to be told again.

Pandemic Onset Fat Phobia (Part 2)

Listen, I get it. We’re all going a little stir crazy. My hair is growing at an alarming rate and I’m fairly sure that I am going to look like a yeti when we are finally allowed to emerge from our homes and access services like salons and barbers again. And March felt like it lasted approximately 5,379 days and we’re not even close to the end of the pandemic, yet. We are all feeling a little wrecked and aged and not at all our best.

There is a right way to make fun of this predicament.

Two images of the same character (in this case Ichabod Crane as played by Tom Mison in Fox’s Sleepy Hollow).

And there is a WRONG WRONG BAD WRONG NO way of doing it.

Two different characters, one of which is muscular and other one of which is fat with a large beard.

DO NOT DO THIS. Your fat friends are paying attention to those of you who share this nonsense. How the fuck do you think we feel when we see this? If your biggest concern about coming out of this pandemic is looking like me at the end, then aren’t you lucky. It means you’ve had more than enough food to eat for the duration, not having to struggle with job loss or food insecurity. But your inherent fat phobia—that let’s face it was there before the pandemic—can’t let you imagine a worse fate. Fuck that noise.

Also, don’t do this:

What the shit is this??

I have no idea who this fool is, probably just a troll based on a glance at his Twitter feed. But this shit isn’t funny. So? People might end up fat. Woe. Start the pearl clutching now. Do you people realize that it feels like the world is ending? This is a HUGE trauma and some people respond to trauma with eating. Some people totally lose their appetite and can’t eat anything. Food is comforting and having access to food can make people feel safe, reducing their anxiety.

If you want a cookie, or a cake, or a whole pizza, why would you ever want to add more stress to your body by constantly denying what it wants? Eat a freaking cookie if it gives you a moment of joy in this hell scape!

And it’s not just memes and random troll posts that are illustrating all that tremendous fat phobia. Articles like this one about the higher death rate in New Orleans all contribute to the narrative that fat people are unhealthy and at greater risk of death. Once again “obesity” is linked to higher rates of diabetes and hypertension and folks, it’s just not true. Buried way down in the sixth paragraph is this gem:

Gee, ya think?

New Orleans just might have a disparity in access to healthcare. Maybe. Possibly. Because what we absolutely didn’t see when Hurricane Katrina hit was an economic disparity among the city’s residents. Not at all.

I can’t fucking stand this. On most days, I can take a deep breath and let this kind of shit pass by with an eye roll, knowing that fat phobia, internalized or otherwise, is a huge issue that is going to take more than just my tiny voice in one corner of the internet to solve. But in addition to the generalized existential dread involved in this time of crisis, it’s just piling on.

Please, miss me with all of this. Feel free to worry about your waistline somewhere else, but keep that shit away from me.