Size Perception — In My Size

I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how big I am. I mostly think about how big I feel. And because this world is not designed for people with bodies outside of a predetermined norm, I spend most of my time feeling HUGE. Because I literally don’t fit most places in the world, my perception of my size has become warped to the point where I can’t accurately judge the available space. I can’t look at a chair and know that I’ll fit into it. I can’t look at a shirt and know that it’ll fit my body. I mostly assume that nothing will fit, everything will be too small, I’m way too big for it, I can’t ever be comfortable, and on and on.

I feel like this… constantly squeezing into spaces too small for me…

It’s like I’m driving a mini-van, but all the parking spaces in the world read For Compact Cars Only.

This perception of myself as larger than I actually am led to constantly wearing clothes that were 1 to 2 sizes larger than they needed to be. Everything I wore was baggy and shapeless because that’s what I thought I had to wear to “hide” my stomach and thighs. I was convinced that anything that actually fit my body was “too small” because it showed that I in fact HAVE a body!

It wasn’t until I met my wife, also a person of size, and saw how she dressed that the light began to filter in. She gave me some much-needed validation and guidance, and that in turn opened up my world to clothes I wouldn’t have previously considered, at least as much as plus size fashion will allow. I’m already limited in my choices. There are only one or two stores locally that I can fairly confidently shop in, and most of my clothing purchases are done online. What I was doing was limiting myself even further, imposing restrictions based on a flawed assumption of my actual size.

Until the world becomes more equitable for all people, how do we combat this idea, especially when the messages that our bodies are wrong keep pouring in? At least when it comes to clothes, I have a couple of ideas:

Measure yourself. With a partner or a friend that you feel comfortable with, someone you can trust to make you feel safe and to not let any bias or judgement seep in, get a measuring tape and go to town. Measure your arms and stomach and hips and bust and butt and thighs and all the things so you know what your actual size is.
Check the size charts on EVERYTHING. Even the clothes that you buy from the same manufacturer or store all the time. Are those clothes actually made for your measurements? Does another size come closer? We all know that women’s sizes mean next to nothing. They aren’t consistent and aren’t based on anything other than an arbitrary starting point at 0. So you have to check.
Find a tailor. A lot of dry cleaning services will do alterations. For those staple items in your closet, like your favorite jeans or pants/jackets/skirts that you need for work, it is worth the investment to get them fitted to you by a professional. Pants are the hardest thing for me. My waist is a few inches narrower than my hips, and I’m tall but I have average legs. To get pants that fit my hips, the legs are almost always too long.
Buy clothes that enhance your awesome. If it doesn’t make you feel awesome, if you’re buying certain clothes only because you think you have to, try something else. Your clothes should make you feel great.

I’m still working on having an accurate perception of my body. I might always be working on it, but at least I can try to present myself to the world in clothes that fit the awesome body I have.