Fat, Fabulous… and Forty

Today is my 40th birthday. My fat body and I have been through a lot over the last 40 years: broken arms, broken hearts, bad knees, car accidents, the loss of pets, the loss of a parent, but also new tattoos, new jobs, new hair colors, new houses, new cars, new friends, new adventures, and new loves. I’ve done all of it while fat, and I’ve survived all of it while fat.

But couldn’t I do so much more if my body was thin?

That’s the question that has plagued me and so many of us who live in fat bodies. I see so many people caught up in the worst throes of diet culture waiting to live their lives until after they’ve shed that last 5, 10, 15+ pounds. They’re waiting to wear that dress or buy those shoes or go on that vacation or do that fun activity that they’ve always wanted to try.

I lost my Mom very suddenly to a heart attack about two months before my 39th birthday. There was no chance to say goodbye. No warning signs. She was here, and then she wasn’t.

What I have learned in the intervening year is that life is so much shorter than we think. It is unfathomable to me to wait to try things any more. Or to plan for new adventures. I have chronic pain due to my knees. I’m very fat and at every turn I am confronted with the ways that the world is not built for me. Every day it tries to tell me that I don’t belong.

Except that I DO. I do belong. I have belonged here for the last 40 years and I will (hopefully) belong here for 40 more. This blog is just the start. I’m here, I have a voice, and I’ll be damned if I’m going anywhere.

So, my completely unsolicited advice to you, on my birthday: Eat the cake. Go the places. Do the things. Take the risks. Have the chocolate. Drink the wine. Enjoy the living however you can whenever you can. Show the world with me that fat bodies are here, alive, and not going anywhere!