Finding Strength for Living

I suffer from chronic pain because of arthritis in both knees. It is severe enough to limit my mobility significantly on a good day. On a bad day, getting around without an assistive device would be a recipe for intense pain for two or more days.

My pain makes me feel so weak sometimes. I feel like I’m supposed to be able to do more and go more places and have more adventures, but the reality is that the world is not built for me to do so. It is built for those who do not have chronic pain and who do not need an assistive device to avoid being in pain for days. That I fight every day to live my life and do what I can do is strength.

It is easy for someone to see me taking a break in my rolling walker and think that I am fat and lazy. But what they don’t see and will never think about is the effort that it took me to get out of bed, get a shower, get dressed, go downstairs, feed myself, and get in and out of the car before I even started whatever activity I’m trying to partake in.

I am so much stronger than those people will ever know, and I try to see my pain when I’ve pushed myself a little too far as a reminder of that strength. It’s not easy. It’s been repeated to me over and over from almost every corner of the media and messaging world that my condition is my own fault. I have arthritis because I’m fat. My fat body makes my arthritis feel worse. If I wasn’t so lazy and got some exercise, my knees wouldn’t hurt so much. Losing 1 pound relieves 12 pounds of pressure on your knees. Just lose some weight first and you’ll be able to do so much more!

My life is now and I am strong enough to live it.