Wearing a Bathing Suit is a Radical Act

There’s not much I enjoy more than going for a swim: ocean, pool, lake, whatever. I’m a water baby. But once you’ve had the experience of a random person shouting, “Hey, it’s a beached whale” at you, putting on a bathing suit becomes a much different prospect.

Each time I put on a bathing suit, it is a radical act. Showing ANY part of my fat body without shame is radical, but a swimsuit leaves no place to hide. It’s all just out there, for anyone to see. And when it comes to fat bodies, there seems to be no shortage of people who are not ashamed of offering their commentary loudly and publicly. I hate that I have to psych myself up each time I go swimming, which is something I do twice a week for both my physical and mental health. I’m a much better person if I’ve been able to be in the water. But there’s always that moment, that terrifying moment, when I leave the locker room and wonder if this is the day that someone is going to say something awful. And I get it, putting on a swimsuit is fraught for LOTS of people, but putting on one while in a fat body is a particular culture phenomenon that invites commentary.

So what do I do to get past the fear and anxiety?

First, I look around. I’m pretty fortunate in where I go to swim regularly that there is a mix of bodies out there. The time of day makes a difference, too. I tend to go in the morning when there are fewer parents with their children or people trying to get in a workout early before starting their day. So, it’s mostly retirees and me. And mostly, I can usually find someone who’s body is enough like mine that I don’t feel like I’m out there on an island by myself.

Second, I summon up the courage of my inner older white dude. These are the dudes I see walking around the pool proudly with their bellies hanging over the tops of their suits. The ones who are smiling and chatting with everyone like they are everyone’s best friend. If those guys can own themselves that way, then I sure as fuck can, too.

Finally, I try to remember that I have every good reason to be at the pool along with everyone else. I know what my body needs, how much it can take, and how far I can push it. I know I get cranky if I can’t swim. I know my depression is worse if I can’t swim. A year+ in lockdown from the pandemic helped teach me that. So I have to actively make the choice that my health and wellness is more vital than potentially having to deal with one awful person.

I encourage all of you to be brave. Whatever radical act you might be facing, go for it. Your body is wonderful exactly as it is, and it helps you do so many things. You are a warrior!